Do not call married Saudi men for abaya fashion advice.
Case in Point:
After several close calls with children ripping open abayas, Kristine and I decided to go looking for a more temper tantrum child friendly version, to avoid exposure.
There are no change rooms in Saudi Shopping Malls. You buy clothing; take it home to try on, and then return or exchange it depending. Hardly convenient especially when managing small children on repeat shopping mall excursions. Clearly Saudi children are better behaved then my own.
So here we are, child friendly abaya shopping. The store was lovely, the salesmen excited about the prospect of overcharging westerners for their wears. Unfortunately for them, I am aggressive, and have learned the art of calculator haggling while in China to circumvent all language barriers.
There was the most amazing bright blue abaya that I had fallen in love with despite the fact that it still did not provide a child friendly solution to my existing potential exposure problems.
The salesman was nervously waving me to the back of the store, showing me to a broom closet which he was offering as a change room solution to make the sale. I thought to myself, is this really happening? Then I felt the adrenaline rush begin to kick in at the thought of exposing my clothed body in the secrecy of a broom closet while in a public place. If only my mother could see me now.
The abaya fit very well, perhaps maybe a bit too tight across the bust, and I was really unsure if the colour was acceptable. For Ramadan yes, everyday wear most likely not. I already had mastered the art of drawing to much attention to myself in almost every situation as it was, so perhaps a bright blue bust hugging abaya would be a bit over the top in a sea of swaying black.
I picked up my cell phone to call Ayah to discuss the colour and her thoughts on fit. With no answer, and an impulse buy situation on my hands, I decide to call her husband whom I had not had the pleasure of meeting as of yet, but had his number in the event of an emergency, and clearly this constituted an emergency.
He answered the phone, and knew from my accent who I was. After exchanging pleasantries, he asked awkwardly “Angela are you calling me from the toilet?”
I explained no from a change room broom closet in an abaya shop. He gasped horrified, “Angela where is your abaya?” I said, “On the floor of this broom closet, I was hoping you could tell me what would be culturally acceptable for colour and fit.”
He began to howl with laughter. “Let me get this straight, you are calling me, a married man you have never met, from a change room broom closet, while not wearing your abaya to ask me particulars of women’s abaya fashion?” I said “of course, I could not get in touch with Ayah” in a very matter of fact manner, wondering what was the issue.
Then the reality and ridiculousness of the situation hit me, and we both began to laugh uncontrollably. He said laughing, “You had better not tell my wife, I don't know you, and you are exposed!” Here traditionally, women are only able to be uncovered in the privacy of their own homes with immediate family. Certainly not in any public place, even if it is a dark broom closet.
Once again applying western male / female norms of engagement and interaction logic to any given Saudi situation was a complete breach of respect and dignity.
As it may seem, I am single handedly changing the Saudi social norms here through my presence within our small circle. In all social situations now my close Saudi friends have a popular “disclaimer” to explain my behaviour with their acquaintances; “It's not right, it's not wrong, it's just Angela!”
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