Convergence:

The whispers of this word licked my ears and plucked my heartstrings when I was presented with the opportunity to move to Jeddah, KSA.

It was as if reflections of myself danced through time weaving in and out of my consciousness pulling me toward the desert.

As explained by Wiki, convergence is the approach toward a definite value, a definite point, a common view or opinion, or toward a fixed or equilibrium state.

Following my intuition has been my formula in life, my barometer for staying true to myself and in the flow of life, my way of leading by example as a parent.

Convergence of what, I was not sure, but I was open to finding out and integrating the experience.

I melted into the landscape there like I truly belonged. My time there was surreal on all levels, and I vibrated with the hum of the infinite grains of sand in the brilliant sun.

When I break the definition apart and tackle it bit by bit now that I have returned and have had time to reflect on this experience from a clear, grounded position, this is what I have gleaned:

Discovering Definite Value in a being Mother:

I never saw myself having children. I knew I was too selfish in my own desires and aspirations with respect to my career, personal, and spiritual development. In that order exactly when I rewind back through the tapes of my mind ten years.

With my career booming, I began to focus on my personal development through an integrated healing approach spiritually. Wow what a shift! Next thing I know, the belief that I could not concieve children fell away; the floodgates opened, and along came Felyx Steven entering stage right.

This child was such a blessing in disguise although I was not aware of it at the time. He pushed me to the edge of my soul daily and really was such a catalyst for my personal and spiritual development.

The rub was this deep inner conflict on how to define myself now as a full time mother, with no booming television career to shape my worth in the ‘real’ world. I really did feel worthless. The sleep deprivation made it worse, and the post partum depression really put me on the edge for the 2 years following.

The discussion followed, with the thought of while we are in the thick of it we should just hit the wall running and reproduce with the intention of balancing our family life with the foundation number 4. Enter Tyl James stage left.

I spent the first 4 and half years of my career as a mother avoiding being perceived as one, although I was truly a brilliant one according to Matt. I saw the whole mother archetype as weak and non-contributing. My head was so far up my ass, mourning the career I thought I should still have that I failed to see the contribution I was making to society in raising consciously aware children.

It took going to Jeddah KSA, to what the world perceives as the most restrictive country for women to find my peace with being a brilliant woman and mom.

My environment gently forced me to look within, to become introverted and dissect my belief system about being a women, a mother, and our roles in the universe.

I was planted firmly in a compound full of children and mothers that where Queens of their domains, while their husbands worked. All of the mothers I had avoided in my motherly career to date, were there staring me in the face with no escape. If I were to find balance, and belong, I would have to embrace this screaming aspect of myself whole-heartedly.

The transformation was incredible! Going to Jeddah stirred my feminine energy and through the process of developing loving relationship with other mothers, I gave birth to and permission for myself to embody the value in being a strong, balanced, intuitive and emotionally accountable woman, partner to my husband, and mother to my children.

The Definite Point:

The name Jeddah meaning “Ancestor of Women” and is believed to the burial place of Eve. The spiritual draw that I felt to this place on earth had nothing to do with organized religion, but I knew that this was the cradle of civilization. My guidance has never failed me, and although this place did not satisfy our worldly financial ambitions, it transformed the four of us into a functioning family. We collectively learned how to be a balanced family there, not separated by individual ambitions and agendas. The stress level surrounding Matt’s employment made us rediscover our faith and trust on a level that could not be measured or fully comprehended to date.

I will forever be grateful for my brush with Saudi Culture, the Saudi Women who I believe to be the most powerful I have ever met, and to my Expat Moms who loved, and supported me through my blossoming experience.

Jeddah KSA will forever be the point on the map that represents convergence for me on all layers and levels of my feminine being. I can now grow exponentially personally, as the break that had existed between my consuming parallel lives has merged and my personal roots are strong and flexible.

The Compound Common View:

We were so blessed to be surrounded by 63 different nationalities from around the world, residing in Al Basateen Village.

Basateen truly was a garden in the desert that produced blossoming life long friendships and small-scale world peace.

It was so easy to fall into a family focused routine when you had 800 families as a mirror images of your own. We where all rowing the same boat, with the same ambitions, and values, trying to raise children with the best intentions from the confines of the safe buffering walls, with a global village perspective.

The mutual support we all had for one another was profound. Something that transcends anything I have ever experienced in North America.

Everyone there had a similar experience to our own, with the strife of employment in the Kingdom, daily kiddie chaos, and the usual expat family challenges.

I thank the heavens for this Mirage that reinforced our bonding under the hot desert sun.

Equilibrium:

We all arrived back in Niagara with this deflated sense of loss. It was so overwhelming, although drunkin blogging allowed me to let go of my sorrow and loss, clearing the path for me emotionally to move on.

In reflecting back, I see now we are balanced and happy as a family as a result of that experience, confident in our ability to weather any storms that may come our way in the future. The relationships between the four of us grew out of individual acknowledgement, acceptance, faith, and trust in Jeddah. This is now our foundation as a family, and will serve us all well in our journeys to come.

I have found equilibrium within myself personally, which I am grateful for. I no longer feel inadequate in any respect as a women, mother, partner, or individual operating in the vast universe.

Shukran for the convergence that occurred in Jeddah KSA.